What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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