I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
