WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
