Can Purell be used as lube?
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
