Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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