my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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