Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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