I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
