another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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