You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
