Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
