Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
