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• (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera

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• (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.

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• (443): View more from Maryland

  Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.

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• (816): View more from Missouri

  Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.

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• (563): View more from Iowa

  Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.

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• (505): View more from New Mexico

  I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.

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• (956): View more from Texas

  I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.

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• (317): View more from Indiana

  Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?

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• (843): View more from South Carolina

  I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest

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• (248): View more from Michigan

  Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.

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• (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room

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• (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3

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• (970): View more from Colorado

  Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.

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• (586): View more from Michigan

  Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.

  (810): View more from Michigan

  I hate you so hard.

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• (224): View more from Illinois

  She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.

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