Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
