Nicole vs. Life
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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