dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
