It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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