there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize