Your dad touched me again.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
