I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize