I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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