I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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