I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
not ubering you a puppy
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
