I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
