I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
