***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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