I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
