im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
