The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
