drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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