dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
being pregnant is like rehab
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
