Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
