im drinking this country out of the recession.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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