I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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