butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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