Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
