Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
