she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
