I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
false alarm, still single
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
