You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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