A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
