I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
