My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
