Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
My balls are so social today.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
