Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
