I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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