so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
