conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
