if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
