cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
