A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Randomize
