i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Randomize
