Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
