Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
