Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
