In America we eat man semen.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
