are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
