I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
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