he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
