Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
