He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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