he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I am naked and annoyed.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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