I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
