I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
