Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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