Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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