At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
