I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
smell my finger.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
