i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
