i think my tv is drunk
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
