Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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